Ridiculous

Warning: This is a blog about ME. (selfishness to the max) I just needed to write.

So, it has been a ridiculously long time since I've written a blog. I guess I feel if nothing drastic or major is happening, I don't need to write because who is going to care? Well, oh well. I wanted to write a new one. I guess a lot of stuff has happened since the last post. My feelings about LOVE have not changed. In fact, they have grown and I wish "LOVE" could be a major in college or grad school.

I've helped lead two Disciple-Now weekends, went to a "LIVE LOVE" conference hosted by StudentLife that was absolutely amazing, went on a college retreat with incredibly incredible people, and today, sent off my first application for scholarships to grad school-Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to be specific. Who knows what God will have me study if I go there but I'm excited! (www.sebts.edu)

I have very mixed emotions and I won't blame them on being female. I'm just an incredibly emotional person. I cry at Extreme Makeover-Home Edition and I cry when I laugh too hard. I think that's a good thing. I have self-diagnosed myself with "SAD"-Seasonal Affective Disorder. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195) It makes sense with me. Although I love the cold weather (sometimes), winter is usually not my friend. Anyway, despite that, I'm just emotional. I cry when other people cry, I laugh when other people laugh, I hurt when others hurt, and I rejoice when others rejoice. So, what's wrong with that? Some people think it's mood swings like bi-polar or something but I just think it's so I can connect with others more easily or they can connect with me. Is that weird? I'm just emotional...not dramatic. Emotional.

I think I'm changing a lot. I used to think that I was independent and didn't really need anybody but day after day I would prove myself wrong. I was really clingy, attached, and got upset when I thought people didn't want to hang out with me. I took things WAY too personally. Recently, that hasn't been such an issue. I really hope this stays like this. I mean, it's not completely gone away (my clinginess and attachment issues and stuff) I know I need people but I don't want to fully depend on them...because I know I can't. There's only One who I can depend on and I'm truly hoping and praying that this is His way of helping me realize and accept this truth. If I do move somewhere where I don't know anyone, I'll need all of Him that I can get.

Graduation is in 37 days. Whoa. Speaking of mixed emotions, I'm ecstatic and sad. I'll miss not having as many responsibilities and being able to take random road trips and late night at Denny's and hanging out and talking to Jenny and other friends. I'll miss my friends...alot. Especially the ones that are going off and gettin' hitched. That'll be completely different. I know their spouses and they are super awesome but everything is definitely going to be MUCH different. And I'm not that big of a fan of change. Oh well. It's inevitable.

According to the folks that went on the college retreat (and myself), I have 37 days to find the love of my life, a job, and a place to live. Yup. 37. That's 888 hours. That's 53,280 minutes. That's 3,196,800 seconds.

I better get going.