"I Hope You Had The Time Of Your Life..."

So, it's graduation day...from college. Whoa. It really hasn't sunk in yet. I think it started to tonight when I was watching a video that Britnie made for Brett. It hit me. It's over. It's really over. I have decisions to make. BIG decisions. I said I wasn't going to cry today. I'm not surethat will happen anymore. Anyway, I'm so thankful for these last four years. Some days, it seemed like this day would never come...other times, I look back and think these four years have gone by so fast. Too fast.  I wanted them to hurry up. Now I want them to slow back down. I look back and see things I should have done (and things I shouldn't have), things I should have said (and things I shouldn't have), people I should have talked to and hung out with. But I don't want to look back with regrets. I want to look back with joy and laughter and know I was where I was supposed to be in this time of my life. 

As much as I complain about NGU, I'm thankful for this school. Who knows where I would be, what I would be like, what kind of friends I would have if it weren't for NGU. I used to think that maybe I sometimes missed out on the "real college experience" because I went to a goody-goody Christian school. But now I look back and think, at least I can remember all my memories and I didn't wake up in some random place with no recollection of how I got there or the night before. Anyway, it's late. Or early. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm just rambling. 

I want to do Journeyman. I don't want to keep going to school anymore. It changes each day. Crap. I love America. I sometimes dislike America a whole bunch. Crap. I'm sitting here on Brett's futon and Britnie is here, too, reading this supposedly awesome book called, "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day." I realize this won't happen many more times after this. But it's not all bad. I have a chance to do something great. WIth nothing. Nothing that I have. Nothing that I can do. Only what God will have me to do...for Him. I'm starting to think seminary is not part of that plan right now. I'm starting to think America is not of that plan right now. But comfort. It's all comfort. Security blankets. They're great...when you're young and when you don't have great opportunities. I'm trying to convince myself, do you see?

Oh it's late. I have lots more to say...but no more energy. Sorry.