Soulmate- Natasha Bedingfield

Incompatible, it don't matter though
cause someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Relationships

So, I'm reading this book right now about relationships. It's such an interesting book and the weird thing is, I feel like the author is talking directly to me. She talks about all kinds of relationships but mainly just good, strong, friendships and how much females need a "best friend" that they can tell everything to and that will also tell them everything. Sometimes, I really feel like I don't have that. I've always thought you have certain friends for specific reasons. For example, one friend could be the one you talk to about spiritual things, one friend could be the one you talk to about family problems, one friend could be the one you always go out to eat or see movies with, etc. But that is not a healthy way to look at relationships. We need a person who we can share EVERYTHING with. The author also talks about how even though your husband should be your best friend and the one who knows everything about you and you know everything about him, you still need a "girlfriend" to share all of that stuff with, too. Men and women are very different in how they approach and deal with certain subjects and because of that, we (females) need another female to share everything with. This has just been on my mind so much lately. So much in fact that it's starting to interfere with everyday life, especially my schoolwork. We all need encouragement, love, and happiness. We all need to feel wanted and needed. We all need to be told that we are loved but more than that, we need to be shown love. I need to be shown love.

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So, this past week was VBS at my church. Everyday, from 9am-12noon, I got to hang out with some pretty awesome kids. (I also got to babysit the two greatest little boys for the past two weeks! I hope I can keep hanging out with them for the next few weeks since I'm only in school for two hours each day.) We made crafts, sang songs, played ridiculous water games, and most importantly, listened to Bible stories. I always forget how much I love to hear Bible stories when they're being told to children. I feel like I can understand them better and they bring me back to a simple, child-like faith. Although I wish the Bible was spoon-fed to me all the time, it's nice to get back into a Bible "study" that's more age appropriate.
I was convinced into teaching the college sunday school class since our regular teacher, Bobbie Jo, will be filling in as interim youth pastor for the summer. (On a side note, she's so amazing and I love her alot. I'm glad she wanted me to teach the class...as much as I resisted. Whether she really thinks I can do it and be good at it or she just really wanted someone to teach while she was filling in as interim, I guess I won't know. I hope it's the first.) It works out that we decided on a study of Galatians and the summer school class I'm taking is a Galatians book study. I start this Sunday with teaching Sunday School and my class starts Monday.
There are a lot of people that I miss right now. But it's ok. Hopefully I can see them soon. This will be short but it's just a little update and a little brighter than the last one.
I'm also trying to do a better job of being more open to talking about religion with the family and friends. My brother's girlfriend and I just had a pretty good conversation about stuff. She believes that all religions are OK and that as long as you're a good, moral person, you'll go to Heaven. That's one of the worst things to believe, I think. I'm trying very hard to have a better attitude and set a good example for those around me. Being with the kids this week that I knew were always watching me helped out with that alot.

Love you.

If I was, you know...

...would anybody miss me?

Back to Changes...

More and more things are changing. My interests, my priorities, my sleeping patterns, my thoughts and feelings about certain people, just everything... and that's what I wanted. And I'm beginning to feel peace about everything. A peace that I've honestly never felt before. Even though there's still an uncertainty and nervousness about changes, that peace is beginning to overwhelm me. I deserve better. But I also deserve worse. It depends on the situation.

Yesterday was a long but amazing day. I babysat for a wonderful little girl named Rebekah. Her mom and dad were at the hospital all day having another baby, Matthew! Rebekah and I had so much fun all day and she was SO well-behaved and content. It was one of the best days I've had this summer. Then, I got the call at about 7pm saying they had the baby and wanted me to bring Rebekah to the hospital to see her new baby brother. I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal to me. I mean, I was super excited...don't get me wrong...but when I got there, I was overwhelmed with this sense of joy and bliss that I can't even describe. Here I am, getting to hold this new baby less than two hours old and all I could do the entire time was praise God for this healthy little boy and the wonderful family he was just born in to. He has great parents and a sweet big sister. I was just overwhelmed.

I think yesterday really helped me realize what I eventually want in my life. Maybe not right now but I want a husband and a family and to be in the hospital and have family and friends around when the babies are born and I want the SUV and the months where we have to live paycheck to paycheck and the soccer games and the dance classes and the pre-school macaroni crafts hanging on my refrigerator and the church events and the PTA meetings and parent-teacher conferences and the night-time prayers and the saturday mornings where the kids run and jump on the bed and the fights and the "I hate you's" and the sacrifice it takes to raise and maintain a family and the Love that endures all those things. I can want things, right? It won't be perfect because nothing is. But it's life. And that's the life I want. Those are truly the desires of my heart.

Change

Wow. That word used to make me cringe. It still does, to an extent, but nearly as much. I think the biggest reason it scared me was because I knew change is inevitable. But it also scares me because I know that I need to make changes within myself. I'm working on that. Hard. It's tough and has pretty much sent me into a slight depression but I know it is needed. I like comfort. Who doesn't. I didn't think I was so scared of change and getting out of my comfort zone...and maybe I'm not. As long as we're not talking about ME. Death, circumstances, jobs, family issues...all those things mean change and all of those things are inevitable. I guess I'm just so attached to earthly things and people, I'm not as attached as I need to be to the One that will never change. I am learning this more and more everyday this summer. As much as I wanted this summer to be one of the best ones of my life (since it will be the last one before I really have to "grow up") I know that it will be a summer full of changes, tears, laughter, depression, happiness, guilt, and peace. I miss my friends. I miss the way things were last semester. But I need to enjoy the time I have now and make the best of it. I can't see everyone that I want to see and I know that will change permanently after next year so maybe this summer is my opportunity to get used to that. Who knows. There are people I love that I can't see but I have to get used to that, I suppose.

P.S. I wish gas prices weren't so high. That might help, too.

Love you.

I haven't done the 5 random things in a while so here goes:
*My computer officially died last night. I need some stuff for my German class off of it.
*I got my frist sunburn of the summer this week. It sucks.
*My jaw has been bothering me. They gave me muscle relaxers. They are NICE.
*I love my family. But I also love alone time, too.
*I bought HipHop Abs. It is super fun!

Ick.

Just ick. Really. Blah.